The Subtle Sin of Self-Protection

We have all been hurt and some of, if not, the most painful experiences have come from being hurt by the ones we never thought would hurt us. The ones we allow in the deepest parts of our heart and soul can cause the most damage. They can shatter our innermost being leaving only ashes. This hurt is one we NEVER want to experience again and that natural response can lead to a subtle sin. The sin of self protection.

“When relieving pain (and/or avoiding it) becomes our priority, we have left the path of pursuing God. The experience of pain has the power to either harden us in our self-protective style or drive us to a deeper trust in God. It can enable us to clearly see how are relational style accommodates our commitment to stay safe rather than freely love others. Self-Protection and love are opposites. Because love is the ultimate virtue, self-protection is the ultimate problem.” (Inside Out - Larry Crabb)

We are called to love God and others. In our hearts we know this but sometimes it is hard to love again those who may have hurt us. We don’t want to get hurt again or relive past pains. Now I am not saying in anyway to continue to remain in a situation in which the other person continues to hurt you and does not show remorse and/or a changed heart. Sometimes staying in that bad situation is a form of co-dependance which is a whole other blog post at another time. However, when we focus on protecting ourselves from pain or another hurt that in itself blunts our capacity to love. That is a problem and can rob us of so many joys that can be experienced. It can rob us of how God would want us to live and love.

The greatest commandment is to “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:37-39) Hmmmm….maybe sometimes it is easier to love my neighbor but not my spouse. Maybe it is easier to love the stranger but not a parent that hurt me when I was younger. Maybe it is easier to love those not closest because they are the ones that can’t hurt us as much. They can’t shatter us. It get’s complicated . . . or do we make it complicated to avoid or face our fears and move past them?? We each have our own stories. You will have to honestly look inside yourself for that question to be answered.

I love this statement from author Larry Crabb in which he says, “The mark of maturity is love, and the essence of love is relating without self-protection. But living without self-protection requires a profound trust in Christ.” So, when relating to others, and especially those who have hurt us, every behavior we show reflects either self-protection or trust. So, WHO DO WE PUT OUR TRUST IN? Do we put our trust in the other person? Do we trust ourselves. . .MAYBE? DO WE PUT OUR TRUST IN GOD and move away from our fears and love as we should. . .unconditionally with a heart of grace and forgiveness? We choose “to love because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19) That is the right choice but often the right choices are not the easiest ones.

#God #godislove #relationships #marriage